Almost Fired

You know the one…the one who jumped before they were pushed? The one who took whole terms off with mystery illnesses. The one who never marked their books and scraped
requires improvement in every lesson obs? The one who gets nasty with you when you try and help them improve. You definitely know them. 

I am thankfully free of such albatrosses at the moment but I know one will definitely come my way again, one day. And the fact that that is a certainty makes me angry. 

How do you get rid of a shit teacher at your school? Give them a shining reference of course. Allow yourself to be strong armed by their union to not mention their persistently crap behaviour and lack of professionalism over the years to other potential employers. After all, you aren’t allowed to give a bad reference. 

So now they’re someone else’s problem – yours.

Great for those who got shot but what about the poor kids who are going to be lumbered with this work shy, unwilling to improve idiot? They are going to suffer simply because there are too many loop holes for inadequate teachers to use to their advantage.  

Had an inadequate lesson? No worries, we’ll help you to plan the next one. Still not any good? We’ll put you on support, working with another teacher. Oh you don’t agree with that, you want to get your union involved – we’ll have to wait until you’ve logged all the paperwork and won’t be able to observe you until then. Another year has gone by now, so let’s start the process all over again. 

It seems that we have had at least twenty complaints from parents whose children allege how aggressive you are, how you don’t mark books and on the whole they have no idea why or what you are teaching them in lessons. Oh you’ve been teaching for over twenty years you say, longer than me, well, pardon me, that must mean that the children don’t understand what they don’t understand and how dare I, with my inferior experience, challenge you and your methods. I do apologise. 

Can you please explain why you have every Monday off? There does seem to be a pattern. Not every week is a bank holiday or did you think you were on a part time contract? Also, in a related matter, you are not doing your head of department a favour when you send them an email at midday, on one of your many Mondays off, telling them to “just set whatever work” they want because that will “make it easier” for them to set cover. The day is practically over. Yes, I realize you have just rolled out of bed but the rest of us have been here since 7:30am – and maybe you could at least pretend that you were ill and not come in with the purple face of Oliver Reed the next day. 

It is interesting how school equipment issued to you has gone missing. It was stolen you say? You RAN OVER it accidentally with your car? Please don’t think anything of it, have another laptop, another iPad – we are a school, you know, practically Trump Towers, and are only too happy to let you take the piss out of us again and again. 

I must say that I do admire your progress data, it would appear that every student in your class is EXACTLY where they should be. If only every teacher could have such a consistent success rate. This data certainly reinforces your strong teaching skills, that you believe you have.  

Oh dear, you want to leave, well, maybe it is for the best. Maybe you should leave right now – no need to wait until the end of term – full pay for the next four months? But of course. Please don’t worry about your classes, we’ll just sit a dog that barks angrily at them in your classroom for the last few weeks. It will be just as effective as any of your lessons. One condition you say? A good reference for your next fortunate employer? That would be…my pleasure. 

Good luck to you and your new lucky, lucky school.