I don’t have the time! 

  
Woah. I can’t catch a break at the moment. I feel like I’ve never been this busy in my entire life – it’s a never ending cycle of eat, teach, sleep, repeat. Of course, not forgetting the additional CPD, data, marking, after school clubs, parents’ evenings, crying kids, ringing parents and planning. It’s amazing when you write it all out to think that you’re still managing to keep yourself afloat. 
But I am, just. 
I attended an NQT conference last week and thought it was going to be a waste of my time. On the whole, it was (and I couldn’t stop thinking about school and my lessons). However, the one thing I did enjoy about the course, and something that was very reassuring, was hearing how other people feel. 
More than anything, it’s great to know you’re not the only one who walks out of some lessons thinking, ‘THAT WAS SHIT’. 
It’s funny, when I was training, I remember thinking that most of my lessons were okay, some were good (where I was formally observed). But as I took on more and more responsibility, I noticed the shit lessons creeping in. 
I don’t think they’re shit in what I’ve planned isn’t good enough, it’s more that the actual lesson didn’t go as you’d intended. But I’m learning to accept that it’s okay for that to happen. It’s not the end of the world if I spend half my lesson drilling behaviour routines into my kids, as long as they get something out of it at the end. 
It doesn’t however, take away that nagging, awful, depressed feeling you get in the pit of your stomach when you think you’re crap at the whole teacher thing. I think that will always pop up. 
The reason that I think these lessons creep into your daily life though, is because you simply lose the time that you once had in your training year. I remember about 3 weeks into training last year, teaching one lesson a week and stressing over it. I put my life and soul into those lessons, and they went well. 
But now I think of the time I spend teaching. 23 lessons and 10 X 50 minute tutor sessions a week, it’s no wonder I feel like I have the odd crap lesson. What I teach per week now, probably took me the whole of Autumn term last year to do. It’s crazy. 

The inner perfectionist in me is struggling to come to terms with this though, because let’s face it – we all want to be “The Best Teacher in the World”. But for now, I think I’m going to have to settle with being the teacher that I am. One that is settling into the groove of being a fully fledged NQT. And it’s hard. Way harder than I ever anticipated! 
As time ticks away and half term draws closer (wahey!) I think I need to start looking at the positives in my lessons a little more. My Year 11s are fab, my Year 10s are tricky – but worth it, and my 9s, well they’re pretty dreamy. I’m sure I’ll get there with 7 and 8, just give me time (pardon the pun.) 

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