Don’t pick on Nicky Morgan – it’s not her fault

Nicky Morgan cracks me up. You know what? I almost feel sorry for her. She clearly has no idea what she’s doing as Ed Sec. I sympathize with her, no really, I do. 

Mrs Morgan is, undoubtedly, a highly intelligent woman who had the privilege of attending a fee paying school and the academic success to study law at Oxford. She’s clever, yeah? Good for her. She specializes in corporate law, she’s a solicitor – this is her area of expertise. She’s a lady of the law, people. 

To begin with the Tories made appropriate use of Mrs M’s talents – sticking her in the Department of Business, Innovation and Skills (a beautifully woolly title), even when they moved her to the Treasury, I got it. She has experience with business and the financial regulation that comes with it. Good posting Dave! Top fucking notch.

But what came next was totally unfair to poor Nicky. Just because the entire population of teachers in England loathed Michael ‘in my day’ Gove, was there any need to move lovely Nicky into a post which she clearly has no ideas or feel for? 

Ah Gove! How we loved to hate you – I feel nostalgic about those times. You coming out with a crazy idea every week, not giving a shit about who you pissed off. 

You didn’t need the teaching unions – they stuck two fingers up at you, you did it right back at them. I mean, good on you, really, you had a vision despite it being severely retro. It was a shame it had to end. But as any idiot could see, having you firing off missiles into the general direction of the teaching profession every week would maybe not be so helpful when winning a general election. 

You were such a good little boy about it though, Dave sent you to the back of the classroom and told you to climb inside the cupboard with a ‘Shhhhh! This is where we put the troublemakers when we get inspected…er, look for the popularity vote. I promise you can come out after the election and stir up a whole new shit storm.’ 

No, I salute you, my favourite students are the gobby boys who stand up for what they believe in and even though I can’t look at you without a four letter word appearing in my head, I appreciate the fight in you.

However (sorry Gove – you don’t like that do you – not at the beginning of a sentence! Ha!), poor Nicky can’t do anything without getting someone to hold her hand.  

Super tradge. 

Poor Nicky got David Walliams to come out and play with her last week. It was so well meant, Nicky’s dishing out library cards to everyone – ‘Come on kids let’s go to the library!’ But oops! What happened to all the libraries? Oh yeah, they’ve been ignored for years by government funding and had to close. Shit! It was sweet though, she came up with something herself. She’s having a go. I like that in a student. 

Similarly, I like how Nic came out in solidarity for us over the workload thing. Again, she had a go but unfortunately wound up a lot of people. She deliberately chose to talk about it but had no solutions or new proposals. What’s the point of doing a survey, looking at the results and going ‘Hmm, it IS shit isn’t it?’ – which, bless her, is what Mrs M has done. 

It’s not her fault. She is trying her best. Fuck it, it’s better than having to fend off Gove all the time, isn’t it? 

The way that government departments around the globe operate is bizarre. Just because you went to Oxbridge and studied Classics doesn’t mean you know how to run a city (sorry Boris, to use you as an example), our politicians are super clever, we know that, and they could easily go into a profession that their degree actually relates to and make a mint. I understand that, in comparison, being a politician pays peanuts and I applaud the self sacrifice and honour that they demonstrate to their country. 

It’s just that if you have never worked in the profession/ area that you are supposed to be leading, how can you really know the first thing about it? And you can’t just do it for a couple of years, for the CV, you have to know your trade, don’t we want a parliament and a government full of people who have LIVED and WORKED in the real world? And I’m not rebelling against privilege (before you call me a class warrior) but areas like health, the armed forces and education need to be run by people who have worked within them, for a while. These departments should be independent of government so they cannot be used for political gain and advantage. That way we can stop going around in circles, allowing sacred public institutions to be abused by people who have no long term vested interest in them. 

I appreciate that Mrs Morgan is just a pawn in a power game but I am not interested in any Ed Sec’s attempts to kiss my arse or to rile me up. 

Please all of you, just leave us alone and stop fucking around with our education system. Thank you! 

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